Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
