Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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