I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize