I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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