You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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