so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
