I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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