there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
