"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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