I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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