I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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