I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
