It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
3 2 1 whiskey
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
