I can't breathe out the right side of my face
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
