did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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