kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
