I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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