Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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