why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
