At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
