there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
