There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
