I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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