just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Actions speak louder than pants.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
