she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
