Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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