hotel room ftw
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
