"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
