I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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