Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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