just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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