he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The air was thick with penises
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
