ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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