why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am one with the molecules
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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