I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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