your room smells of hookers.
And success
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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