puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
