There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
