The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
