I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
