So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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