last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
