I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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