checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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