i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
