I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
