He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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