Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize