Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize