If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
