sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
More tranny stories later!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
