Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
