can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
