I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
