I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
