once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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