I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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