You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
