your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
