A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
