I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
