I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
