dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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