I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
