okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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