Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I party with great urgency now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
