if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
