he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
