Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
